Convectional Wisdom

May 22, 2005

I am at odds with myself today. Conflicted over obligations, demands on my time and dreams I wish I could pursue… And, soon I will be running off to graduation ceremonies where I will receive my certification in gerontology. While I can refer to myself as a certified gerontologist, my college senior would say, "it's official, mom, you are certifiably old!" These studies resulted in many accomplishments including the publishing of my first book, Stories of Old: A Collection of Poems. 

However, what brings me to the email box today of Ms. Eula Biss, is her brilliant piece in the June 2005 issue of Harper's. While I am not a fan of the magazine, my husband, whose political leanings have changed with maturity, reads it religiously, in his temple of twalette. My bias is that he continues this subscription as a reminder of who he used to be... Well, I am rambling on aren't I?

The article, ‘The Pain Scale’ was brilliant! It is filled with a great flow of thoughts from math to religion, science to literature. Her stream of consciousness is hypnotic like a drug-induced trance. And just when I am totally mesmerized by the elaborate descriptions I feel a sharp dose of reality as I am met by the comments of her physician father. His matter of fact approach to pain was like being pulled over by a cop for a minor infraction; my heart raced and I was fearful of the admonishment. What I discovered today in reading this piece is that "we" can write about anything, but writing about anything and making "it" compelling, interesting and thought-provoking is a real talent. 

While The Pain Scale was brilliant ~ it did not point out that just like love or hate, we can’t assign a single digit to our pain and suffering. Even the most gruesome wound-inflicted pain cannot be numbered. And what about the pain of childbirth or the pain of muscle building or the pain of losing a child... Experiences without numbers.

I found in my searching today that author, educator, lecturer, Eula Biss is working on a book about "happy, unconventional marriages". I find that topic most interesting. Who actually has a traditional, ordinary marriage any more? Who is actually happily married? Some marriages are happier than others. Some marriages are more dynamic or require more work than others and most often nowadays most marriages are more challenging than ever before.

Two days later this amazing note was received from Ms. Biss:

Dear Ms. Ashendorf,Thank you very much for your note. I appreciated your lovely comments about my writing, and your thoughts on pain and marriage. Your book looks interesting - I am going to go pick it up. I am also going to pass your comments on to my father. I loved what you said about feeling like you were being pulled over by a cop when he spoke. He was nervous about me quoting him in this piece, so maybe your reaction will help set him at ease. My best to you. Truly, Eula